someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
