I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Two words: nipple clamps
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