Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he thought i was a dude.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
