Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Mom said you looked used
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
