I'm lost and stupid without you.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is wine microwaveable?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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