I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
