I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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