She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
