I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
