I'll bet she douches with gravy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
