my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
