You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
