just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
