He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
