I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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