awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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