Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
