I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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