Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize