So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
