Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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