can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
