dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
