I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize