omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
