There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
