I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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