Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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