i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
