I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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