He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think i got beer on your cat.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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