all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize