What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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