I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
