I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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