remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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