i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
