Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
