Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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