I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I wish there were birth control emojis
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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