and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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