he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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