I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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