Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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