After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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