Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize