this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
