Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your cock deserves a montage
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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