its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
