His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
