his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
