She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
