im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Boobs speak an international language.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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