We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
