That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
