Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
