it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
