my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
