Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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