WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
