just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
