i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize