i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Green mimosas i think yes
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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