Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Are we still banned from the library?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize