went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
