Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
