Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
