She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
