For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
