She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
