Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
