Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
COCAINE IS GR8
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize