It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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