you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
