I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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