I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
