He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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