Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
