If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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