i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
this just has baby written all over it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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