thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
