I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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