I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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