I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
