i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
