Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
