3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
