none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
