4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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