Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
