So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i now understand why vodka
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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