he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
