plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
