you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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