To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
