just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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