I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize